I've been staying here in le fiance house since 16th March. It's unplanned trip since he bought me the flight ticket 1 week before departure. But at this moment i'm writing this post am alone at home. He left to work again after 1 week break.

Things happened. But one-sided feeling! Meaning, saya saja yang 'TERASA'. I just don't know why. I'm vulnerable and fragile and crying in silent. He said nothing that makes me sad. He's beyond perfect in my eyes, i mean how he treated me, how he act and behave to me in front of his housemates, how he reacted on me when i mengada-ngada (hahaha)..nothing wrongs with him but me. I sees myself so incompatible to him, the way i'm thinking, how i deal with surrounding, how i make myself physically appealing. I want him to proud of having me so i can proudly walk beside him. I want to impress him but yet i'm no way can do that. Sometimes, when he teasing me and i knew it was only a silly jokes but its still hurting me, deeply. I convince myself that he's JOKING but this heart of mine betrayed me. I smile, i laugh to him but then i'm crying after that and of course he didn't know. He randomly praising a girl passing by, serious-face-advising me about my stubborn-fat belly (hehehe..), it's saddening me. I know he's telling me for my own good but....*sigh*

I just don't know WHY..