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Archive for 03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014

.Fragile Me.



I've been staying here in le fiance house since 16th March. It's unplanned trip since he bought me the flight ticket 1 week before departure. But at this moment i'm writing this post am alone at home. He left to work again after 1 week break.

Things happened. But one-sided feeling! Meaning, saya saja yang 'TERASA'. I just don't know why. I'm vulnerable and fragile and crying in silent. He said nothing that makes me sad. He's beyond perfect in my eyes, i mean how he treated me, how he act and behave to me in front of his housemates, how he reacted on me when i mengada-ngada (hahaha)..nothing wrongs with him but me. I sees myself so incompatible to him, the way i'm thinking, how i deal with surrounding, how i make myself physically appealing. I want him to proud of having me so i can proudly walk beside him. I want to impress him but yet i'm no way can do that. Sometimes, when he teasing me and i knew it was only a silly jokes but its still hurting me, deeply. I convince myself that he's JOKING but this heart of mine betrayed me. I smile, i laugh to him but then i'm crying after that and of course he didn't know. He randomly praising a girl passing by, serious-face-advising me about my stubborn-fat belly (hehehe..), it's saddening me. I know he's telling me for my own good but....*sigh*

I just don't know WHY..



BIG 3, Mint & Lace!

Howdy visitors!

I'm hitting big 3 this year, this month! Tiada rasa apa-apa yang istimewa sebenarnya cuma sedikit confused. Dewasakah saya? Matangkah saya? How can we define someone as an adult? or mature? Hmmm..a  friend telling me how scared she is to face the reality that she will be 30 soon. Bukan sebab angka itu tetapi memikirkan dirinya itu suda matang atau tidak. Saya sangat setuju bila dia mengatakan dia masih bersikap kebudak-budakan atau lebih tepat lagi tidak matang. Because i feel the same too. Orang Sabah cakap : macam budak-budak saja itu perangai :D

But, my guy best friend tells me that it's not because we're not matured enough. It's because i'm a person who is happy go lucky. Katanya lagi seseorang yang suda berani membuat keputusan sendiri dan positif dalam menjalani kehidupan seharian itu suda dikatakan matang. Biarpun sikap dan gaya agak kebudak-budakan tetapi membuat keputusan cara dewasa, itu suda matang. Kita tidak akan menyedari yang kita ini sebenarnya sudah matang dan dewasa tetapi hanya akan dapat dilihat oleh orang-orang sekeliling tambahnya lagi. Mungkinkah? Bagi saya, asalkan saya tidak menyusahkan sesiapa, hidup secara baik-baik dan tidak memudaratkan diri sendiri, hormat orang sekeliling..itu sudah baik. I'm not going to stress myself whether i'm matured or not.

Still, i'm wishing this year will be a good year to me. More opportunities to improve my life, paying all my unpaid debts, forgiving & apologizing to makes me feel much better, no more hatred, no more dendam kesumat (haha) and be a GOOD wife! And oh! less than 9 month from now  i'll be his wife.. ^_^

Okay, move on. These coming days sure is very tiring. With so much to plan and here and there to survey, it's more than enough to make me muntah darah! With the high price and expensive service that are needed, pasti memendekan lagi jangka hayatku. My goshhhh..everything is so pricey so i have to plan it well to survive and tidak menganggu kelancaran majlis itu nanti. Haduiiiiii.....*kalau laa aku kayaaaa*

*taken from Google*

*taken from Google*

Setelah sekian lama memilih warna tema (rambang mata) saya decide untuk pilih warna pastel dan telah di'approved' oleh sang tunang. It's mint green, peach, white & lace! :D I'm a big lace freak now.. I fall in love with everything in lace and i decided to DIY my wedding invitation cards, bridesmaids and MoH cards with lace-based..hehe.. I'll blog about it soon after finishing the sample...

Till then, bye!